His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
