Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
