Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
