when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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