we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize