YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
