I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
