I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
