i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
