Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
