i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
