he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
