I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
