There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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