You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You took a bar mat shot.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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