she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
