Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
