No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
