glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize