i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
