I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize