I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
