Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
