I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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