Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
