well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She even gives head with a lisp.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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