If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
