you win again, gameday.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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