your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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