i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
