we have officially lost it.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
