Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
