true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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