I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
