Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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