If i come over, it means nothing
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
