Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It all started with a game of naked twister.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
