I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
