but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
