you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
