somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize