i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
