I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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