One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
