Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
