Yo dont text me then not text me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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