You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
