i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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