in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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