i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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