I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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