got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
