Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
