i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
