We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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