you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My ass is underappreciated
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
