Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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