You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize