I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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