I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
