I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
