the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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