Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
