I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
