This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
