I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
