his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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